Do We Need to Forgive?

You might feel fear, apprehension, or anger when approaching a meeting with God, your boss, your spouse, or your kids, often because of a lack of forgiveness. Unforgiven hurts from the past can trigger intense reactions, even when unrelated to the current situation.

You might think you’ve been forgiven, but has the wound healed? If not, your response to the next meeting might be driven by fear or anger, reliving old pain—not because of others, but because of past hurts. While the event itself may never truly be forgotten, facing your emotional wounds and offenses will lead you to the freedom God offers. You will no longer feel the pain associated with the event or the person you've forgiven. God expects you to forgive immediately and to be specific about what caused your hurt. Some people say “sorry” or “apologize,” but never actually say “forgiveness.”

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

Forgiveness from the heart begins with recognizing the hurt and hatred you've felt. It requires digging into the emotional core of your past; otherwise, it remains unfinished. The Holy Spirit needs to bring that pain to light so you can face it. It doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does involve breaking the emotional tie between the hurt and the event or person.

Forgiveness is the act of granting pardon, forgiving offenses, or letting go of resentment toward the wrongs, injuries, trespasses, or sins committed against you. It is healing to release bitterness, anger, and hurt in the pursuit of reconciliation. On the other hand, an apology is simply an acknowledgment of wrongdoing and an expression of regret. An apology does not bring healing or resolve emotional pain or anger; therefore, reconciliation of the relationship cannot occur with an apology.

People often realize they can't forget an offense, no matter how hard they try. Forgiveness may result in forgetting, but forgetfulness itself is not the act. When you react emotionally to past wounds or offenses, you haven't truly forgiven that person. Ultimately, it's a matter of choice. You can either:

1. Harbor bitterness or anger (unforgiveness) against that person.

2. Forgive and obey what God's Word tells you to do.

Why Should You Forgive?

Refusing to forgive binds you to those who've hurt you, intensifying pain. Forgiveness frees you, aligns with God's plan, and brings God's forgiveness. Forgiveness heals and repairs any grievances you may have against others. The "anythings" in your life that need to be forgiven are the hurt from the wounds and offenses you have experienced from “anyone.” When you choose to forgive “anyone” for the "anythings" in your life:

--> You and others are released from the negative emotional ties in relationships. (Mark 11:23-26)

--> You are released to become what God intends you to be, experiencing compassion and mercy. (Eph. 4:32)

--> You have unity in the Body of Christ among other believers. (Col. 3:12-15)

--> You are protected from Satan. (2 Cor. 2:10-11)

During the meeting, your soulish side might become defensive when your boss asks for improvement, or you may justify your actions to your spouse or kids by saying things like “that’s just the way I am” or “I know better than you.” These thoughts stem from deep-rooted unforgiveness and a self-protective wall. Confess, repent, and heal from the hurt to prevent conflict.

Forgiveness isn’t complete until you've healed from the wound. Finish the process before your meeting. Remember, forgiveness is your choice—made by your will—to forgive or not. Choosing to forgive frees you from hurt and negative feelings toward others.

What if You Don't Forgive?

Mark 11:25-26, NKJV “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Unforgiveness involves holding something against anyone who has hurt you through wounds or offenses.

1.      Unforgiveness causes suffering and blocks prayer. Not forgiving others prevents God's forgiveness, hinders answers to prayer, and diminishes faith. It weakens your spirit and faith. (Mark 11:26)

2.       Unforgiveness blocks your full ministry. It prevents the full manifestation of ministry within us as workers with Him. "We give no offense in anything, that our ministry may not be blamed." (2 Cor. 6:3, NKJV). The reflection of God's ministry exists within you. Without Christ, you can't repay or be forgiven. When you connect with Christ, you're reconciled (pardoned, forgiven) to the Father. As He forgave your debt, you must forgive others (Matt. 6:12). If you don't continue in God's forgiveness ministry, it remains incomplete in you.

3.      Holding onto unforgiveness weakens health, breeding bitterness and envy that can cause physical problems in the bones and muscles. As you choose unforgiveness, bitterness takes root in your spirit, leading to resentment, anger, hatred, and potentially violence, including manipulation, control, or murder. The physiological effects of unforgiveness on your body are clear. (Prov. 14:30 and Prov. 17:22). If you harbor resentment, forgive and let it go. Unforgiveness threatens your peace, joy, and healing. Disobedience weakens your body. Don't let unforgiveness and sin fill you with evil or sickness. It harms more than the original person; it destroys your well-being.

Walking into your meeting unforgivingly may lead to an argument and damage the relationship, whereas walking in with forgiveness will always foster love and respect and strengthen the relationship. You’ll work together as a team to improve the business, your marriage, or your family. Choose forgiveness and experience reconciliation with God and others.